• Essay Clinic的宗旨係為同學診斷文章的問題所在及根治問題，令你在試場上狀態大勇！ 今期主打一封Letter to the Editor，討論虐畜的問題及建議如何提升寵物主人的責任感。           Write a letter to the Young Post discussing the problem of animal cruelty in Hong Kong and suggesting three ways to promote responsible pet ownership.             Genre:   Organisation:   這是一封信，一定要有稱謂，應加上“DearEditor”。   懂得用對比帶出教育市民成為有責任感的主人的重要性。           The issue of cruelty 1 to animals has engrossed 2 our attention recently. Locking dogs in a cage and not upplying food or water to them, some ruthless 3 pet owners ignore the risk of pets' lives. Some people claim that the government should bring irresponsible pet owners to book. However, educating citizens to become responsible pet owners is vital to avoid the tragedy rather than strict punishment. I would like to discuss the cases of animal cruelty in Hong Kong and suggest a few methods to promote responsible pet ownership.   Accuracy: risk of something”解作某件事的危險性，這裡想表示的是漠視寵物生命的價值，所以應改為“devalue the significance of their pets’ lives.”“risk of something”解作某件事的危險性，這裡想表示的是漠視寵物生命的價值，所以應改為“devalue the significance of their pets’lives.”       Accuracy:     這裡是泛指所有年輕的寵物主人，所以不用加 "the"。                   1. cruelty (N.) 殘酷       2. engross (V.) 使…全神貫注       3. ruthless (adj.) 無情的 The cases of cruelty to animals are particularly rampant 4 among teenagers. As secondary students in Hong Kong, we usually spend most of our time on revising for tests and examinations as well as finishing a load of homework. The young pet owners may not have time to walk their dogs or play with their cats. Worse still, they may forget to feed their pets and it is saddening to hear that the pets die of hunger eventually. As busy city-dwellers, most Hong Kong people are stressed out all the time. Some bad-tempered pet owners may vent 5 their anger on their pets and beat them to death. There is a widely-held misconception 6 that keeping a pet without exercising violence does not mean only cruelty to animals. Depriving 7 pets of the right to moving around such as locking dogs in a cage for a long time is also considered as a kind of ruthless mistreatment 8.             Accuracy:     同學應該想說人們常誤以為虐畜只是暴力對待動物，可以這樣寫 ”animal cruelty encompasses only exercising violence on pets only.”

• Organisation:   Content: 同學大概是想做一個 transition，由討論問題轉折至提出建議，但以一句句子成為一個段落的轉折手法其實不太恰當，這句子本身是十分不錯的transition，承上啟下，只須把它與下一段結合便可。   同學應多paraphrase(改述)，你已repeat了 'pet mistreatment' 及 'mistreating pets' 不少次了，可嘗試 'abusing pets' 與‘treating pets badly / violently’           The above problem of pet mistreatment can be avoided if we       Accuracy:   留意collocations，是"skills of something"，不是"about"。另外"care"是v.i.，後面要有preposition才能跟object，所以要加上 “for”。 look in depth into the causes and use feasible 9 ways to tackle the problem. When promoting responsible pet ownership, education is very important. Schools can hold talks about how to take care of pets. For example, members of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals should be invited to should be invited to share their experience with the youth. They can talk about a pet's needs, what should be done daily to keep it in good health and time management skills for the pet owners. Moreover, SPCA members can also help convey the message that looking after one's "pet friend" should be a permanent 10 commitment. Also, schools can organise "Animal Fun Days" at weekends, in which teachers and students are invited to take their pets to schools. Through this meaning activity, students can learn the skills about caring their animals and share with each other what they think about responsible pet ownership.           Accuracy: 應先在 "the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals" 後加上(SPCA)，才能在後文直接用SPCA。   GLOSSARY 4. rampant (adj.) 猖獗的   5. venting (V.) 發洩   6. misconception (N.) 誤解   7. depriving (V.) 剝削   8. mistreatment (N.) 虐待   9. feasible (adj.) 可行的   10. permanent (adj.) 永久的

• Organisation:   Accuracy: 謹記每段只能有一個main idea，這是另一個idea，所以要開新段。   借動物及檢查是兩件事，所以應該寫成 "Their temporary pet ownership can also be followed up by a SPCA member to offer them professional assistance and advice."。           Another thing the government can do is to make good use of the mass media such as newspapers or TV .     commercials to spread the message of responsible pet ownership to the public. For instance, "Think twice before     deciding to keep pets" is a slogan devised to ask people to consider their financial status and daily leisure time     before choosing to keep a pet. The third suggestion is that the government can cooperate with the SPCA to     organise educational activities. For example, they can ask future pet owners to volunteer to take care of a     forsaken 11 pet and decide whether they can afford to take up this responsibility. This program can be     monitored by the SPCA members regularly. Most teenagers make hasty decisions to keep a pet because     they think it is a trendy thing to do. They shouldn't make up their mind so hastily to shoulder such a heavy     up their mind so hastily to shoulder such a heavy responsibility because of the sudden impulsion 12.           Accuracy:   Content: 同樣是collocations的問題，'deserted'才是正確的用字。   這個建議十分好！           Genre:     這是一封formal letter，不宜用contracted form，應該用全寫"should not"。               To conclude, the main cause of cruelty to animals is that many people live under high pressure in Hong Kong. However, making this an excuse to treat their pets violently is totally unacceptable. If schools can make an effort to teach the youngsters to become responsible pet owners, many tragedies could have been prevented. The teenagers can acquire some knowledge and skills of keeping pets as well. Also, the government can advertise on newspapers and TV to ask people think carefully about their financial status, time management skills and responsibility.       GLOSSARY     Genre:   Accuracy:   11. forsaken (adj.) 被遺棄的 12. impulsion (N.) 衝動 信件最後一定要有結語及署名： Yours faithfully, Chris Wong   responsibility"不夠清晰，應說明是"sense of responsible (to become a good pet owner)"。